Cambiando a español

No me gusta leer lo que escribo en español, no sé porque, creo que ya estoy acostumbrado a leer la mayoria de los blogs en inglés. Pero decicdí hacer este cambio para intentar mejorar la forma en que yo me expreso en mi idioma principal, siempre tengo problemas para encontrar la mejor forma de expresar mis pensamientos y es muy común que se me olviden palabras (a las cuales termino diciendoles "cosa"). Pues eso nomás, espero que escribir mi blog en español me ayude a poder expresarme mejor cuando estoy hablando también.

First two weeks of college

It's been two weeks since I started college, I've been feeling a little homesick, missing my parents, I've always been someone who stays in home, didn't have many friends, and I can't wait to see my mom again and just being alone for a while, I like feeling like a child with my mother by my side, I am not fully comfortable in this new place, my roommates are noisy and I don't talk to them very much, I stopped playing my videogames for a while (left Pokemon moon half played, hopefully I will resume it by July, but I've been playing more Fate Stay Night since I'm not reading any books), also I want to keep learning japanese and digital drawing, and of course I'm trying to concentrate more on my studies so I can pass this first semester and be able to stay at home in July and august. My most productive times are when I'm feeling down or bored, I try to work more for when things get better again, that´s why I started japanese again and I´ve been thinking about buying a violin for next year.
I am eating bread, cold boiled steakes and apples to try to save money and buy some things I want (mostly books) , but my college is pretty good and I am making friends there, maybe next year I'll move in with one of them, it would be more comfortable than the place I'm at right now.

In these two weeks I haven't masturbated or even thought about it, I guess I have been too occupied with my studies, and also, living with roommates is the best thing to control that habit, I think this time is for real, my porn addiction isn't bothering me at all.

But the bad side is that I am alone in a big city with lots of gorgeous college girls around and my balls are only getting fuller. I can't see myself with a girlfriend or even having sex with a girl, I know a normal relationship with a girl wouldn't work out for me, I've been almost two years reading blogs about succubi and I prefer that kind of relationship over a girlfriend. But these last two weeks (probably because I seem to be getting better at my porn thing) I've been noticing girls more often than before and more intensely, and wondering how it would be like to have a girlfriend, and sometimes I just think about having sex, it's like I'm twelve again. And frankly, in the state I am right now I don't now if I'll be able to resist the temptation if I ever get the opportunity.
But I know I can't have a girlfriend, I'm just not suited for it, the boyfriend life doesn't match me. That's why I still want a succubus in my life, although I can't see me getting one very soon, I'm not comfortable enough in this new place to really try to get one.

These past weeks I haven't done anything to contact a succubus. 
A month ago my grandfather's health worsened and I spent a lot of time helping my mom taking care of him, she got stressed and me too, I fell back into my old porn habits and I just didn´t have the motivation to meditate and call for a succubus.
Yesterday my grandpa passed away, he was very close to me but his death felt like a relief to my family, we don´t have to take care of him all day now and my mom finally will have time for herself and stop worrying. That took my good mood back and I can´t wait to start exercising, playing videogames and summoning a succubus again.

Tomorrow I will be moving to a bigger city to start college, I have never been "independent" before so everything will be new, and I'm exited. The thing is that I will be staying with other twelve roommates and sharing my bedroom, so I don't think I'll have a chance to do any summoning rituals, it will be just me and my will power, and if I do get my succubus I won't be able to be intimate with her, only when I come back to see my family, nearly once a month. But I will do everything I can to get my girl as soon as possible.

This first days I will probably spend getting used to my new student life. When I find a good way to resume my summoning "rituals" in my new home I'll make another post. 

See you then Leo!

Update

So, these past days I've been feeling a bit down, less energetic, without much motivation to exercise like I used to (which wasn't very much either, just jogging around the block), and my succubus motivation has suffered a bit too, I always seem to enter this lazy and unmotivated states for some time every six months or so for no real reason. But I wont let that stop me, just gotta get back on track.
The good news is that my nofap streak is at two weeks now. It's been hard, I wanted to focus my sexual potential into summoning a succubus, but it's getting hard not to think about masturbation, that's what my brain was used to. I don't really feel the need for sex, I'm feeling the craving to watch hentai. But that´s normal, I have to fight these cravings to overcome my addiction.
I know I have to focus my sexual desire towards wanting to have sex with a succubus, but I'm not being able to think about making love to a spiritual partner because I never made it before, I never really loved someone and I don´t know how it feels.

Next month I will be starting college and I'll have to move to another city. I'll be sleeping in a bedroom with two roommates, I don't know what's going to happen if I get a succubus by that time, I can't have spiritual sex in a shared bedroom, all I could do is daily meditation to contact her. I also don't want to get obsessed over being always with her like some bloggers reported, I am going there to study and I can't put that aside
Because of that sometimes I think that maybe it's not the right time to try to summon one but I really want a spiritual girlfriend now, I have zero interest in having a relationship with a girl.
I don't want to wait five years when my studies will be over to have my astral girl but I know that these things have to be made in privacy, something I won't have for quite some time.


I gess this is all for today, just an update to keep things flowing in the blog.
 See you later Leo, get your lazy ass to work!

Changing my lifestyle

I wish I could say that I did the meditation excercises everyday since the last post.
Like I said, I'm a huge procastinator. I'm addicted to porn, I tend to masturbate almost three times a day, and after that I feel depresed and often stay up until 2a.m. playing videogames or mindlessly browsing.
There were so many things I wanted to do this summer holydays but my porn and internet addiction just didn't let me do anything, I 've spent so much of my time doing nothing, I'm doing less and less exercise each day.
The times I've tried to meditate I would just lay down and try to focus on my succubus for a minute after falling asleep without realising.

I know I won't get anywhere with this lifestyle, It's time to change it, starting by a digital detox, I won't use internet for a few days, being bored will be good for me, letting my mind wonder, it will give me time to think and refocus on what is important, on how I want the rest of my life to be like.
I have to stop losing time and stop watching porn for good. Started no fap today,  day 1 YAY!
I have to use my sexual energy on my succubus summoning, give it all to her

Good luck Leo, I believe in you!

Introduction

Hi, I´m an 18 years old pretty boring guy, I've never had any connection to the supernatural and I know barely nothing about it, though it's very interesting and I really want to learn more about it.
I´ve been reading a lot of blogs about  wonderful relationships with succubi and loving spirits. I really want to experience the same, that infinite and powerful love that no woman in this world could provide.
I have been interested in it for well over a year now and I think I  have a pretty good understanding about how to summon them, and my goal is to have a relationship with one by the end of the year.

This blog is for me, to document every important thing that could happen during my journey, and primarly as a way to keep me motivated untill I'm sure I made contact with one (I tend to procrastinate a lot), and I know it shouldn´t take too long if I really pour my heart into it.

So today I'll start off by meditating in bed and visualising my future spiritual lover, to start preparing myself for a more serious summoning ritual down the road.

Off we go!